Sports

Yashinsky: The 7 Funniest, Craziest and Most Memorable Names in Baseball

May 20, 2016, 11:24 AM by  Joey Yashinsky

On any quiet night this summer, go grab a baseball encyclopedia from your bookcase.  Flip through a handful of pages. You’re guaranteed to see a whole bunch of hilarious and memorable names from the game’s long, storied, and zany history.

Let’s pull out some of the more noteworthy designations.

Bud Weiser

No joke.  He is a real player.  Go look him up.  Yeah, he stunk, and his real first name is Harry, and even his middle name is Budson (not Bud).  But regardless, in sports your name is whatever the world knows you by, so we have no choice but to recognize the man as simply Bud Weiser.

Bud suited up for the Philadelphia Phillies from 1915-16.  In his rookie campaign, the Phils used him semi-regularly.  He was given a healthy 77 trips to the plate despite a nasty .141 batting average.  But the baseball gods smiled down on the team for giving Bud such a nice opportunity and the club made it all the way to the World Series.

Not coincidentally, in Weiser’s second and final season as a big leaguer, the Phillies let him bat just 10 times and the team was punished with a heartbreaking second place finish.

Never mess with the Brewmeister.
 

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Ugueth Urbina

Okay, so the name itself is not the most fun or interesting, but the mere presence of the initials U.U. provide Urbina entry onto this list.  After all, he remains the one and only player in big league history to have the double-U as his initials.  I know there aren’t a ton of first names starting with that letter, but even so, it’s a pretty remarkable fact considering pro baseball has been around since just after the Civil War.

Urbina was so-so during parts of two years with the Tigers in 2004-05 before the team shipped him off to Philadelphia for Placido Polanco.  Looking back on the paths of those two players’ careers following that deal, you’d have to honestly give it serious consideration as the most lopsided trade in baseball history.

Polanco brought from Philly a terrific glove at second base, a clutch bat at the plate, and was a key member of the 2006 American League champs in Detroit.  Urbina, taking an entirely different route, went home to his native Venezuela that off-season and got in major trouble for trying to kill some workers at his house with a machete and also attempting to light them on fire.  Throughout his career he was known as a flamethrower; we just never knew how accurate the description would turn out to be.

He was sent away for a lengthy 14-year sentence, of which he served only seven before being released in 2012.


The Only Nolan

This is one of the great name mysteries of the 19th century.  This pitcher/outfielder/third baseman that played for a handful of teams in the 1870s and 1880s was born Edward Sylvester Nolan.  But his entry in the encyclopedia and what his baseball card would have listed (had they been around then) reads simply, “The Only Nolan.”

I’m guessing the scrappy 5’8” Canadian knew there would be more players named Nolan to follow in the major leagues.  Thus, he wanted to get out in front of that trend and make sure people knew there was but one Nolan that truly mattered.  The Only Nolan.
 

Chick Hafey

One of my favorite things about American life in the 1920s and 30s -- if your name was Charles, James, William, John, or pretty much anything else, you were oftentimes just known as “Chick.”  Seriously.  Go watch any old movie or look up any baseball roster from that time period.  Everybody was called Chick.

Chick Hafey makes this list for being the best Chick in the whole coop.  He spent his prime years slapping the ball around Sportsman’s Park in St. Louis, and was a key member of Roger Hornsby’s champion Cardinals in 1926.  Hafey is the only Chick to wind up in Cooperstown, as well as the first ever bespectacled player to capture a batting title.  (Feel free to drop that golden trivia nugget the next time you meet an actual chick at the bar; you can thank me later.)

Sadly, all good things must come to an end, and the Chick craze was no different.  After Hafey’s exit from the game in the late 30s, the crop pretty much dried out. 

There was a minor resurgence with obscure Tigers outfielder Chick King in the 1950s, but that was short-lived.  Some anonymous gentleman named Travis Chick threw a few innings for Seattle in 2006, but last name Chicks don’t really count.  Plus, the guy somehow managed to issue 10 walks in three brief relief appearances, so we really want no part of his company. 
 

Roberto Duran

Count yourself among the most diehard of Detroit Tigers fans if you remember this nondescript reliever from 1997-1998.  The far less famous Roberto Duran (than the legendary boxer) appeared in 31 games for the Tigers, enough time to cough up a whopping 19 runs in just 26 innings of work -- a pretty remarkable feat especially considering he never allowed a homer.

(The ’97 team Duran played for went a ho-hum 79-83.  But take a closer look and you realize that squad was tied for the 3rd-best Tigers’ outfit of the whole decade.  When you feel yourself grumbling about last year’s tough finish, or some early hiccups in 2016, just remember there was a time when this franchise was quite possibly the most inept in all of professional sports.  This particular era may not have produced a World Series champion, but we are light years from where this ship was headed 20 years ago.)
 


Morrie Arnovich

Morrie Arnovich

This mainstay of 1930s ball makes the list for owning the most Jewish name you’ll ever come across in big-time athletics.  Of course he could have chosen to go by his given name, Morris, but doing that might not have given a clear enough indication of Arnovich’s heritage.  Being known as “Morrie” removed any and all doubt about how this underrated outfielder spent his Friday evenings; curveballs juicy, chicken dry. 

It brings to mind a classic quote from Al Schacht, the original “Clown Prince of Baseball.”

“There is talk that I am Jewish -- just because my father was Jewish, my mother is Jewish, I speak Yiddish, and once studied to be a rabbi and a cantor.  Well...that’s how rumors get started.”
 

Puddin’ Head Jones

Alright, so maybe his real name was Willie, but “Puddin’ Head” is just so much more fun to say.  Try and come up with a better nickname -- in any sport and in any era -- than Puddin’ Head.  I’ll save you the time; there’s no such thing.

How much fun must it have been to play alongside Puddin’ Head Jones for the Phillies back in the 1950’s?!? 

“Play is at any base, fellas.  He went your way last time, Puddin’ Head!”

And this guy wasn’t just some bum with an awesome alias.  He was a darn good player, routinely leading all major league third-sackers in fielding percentage.  Hall of Fame pitcher Robin Roberts said Puddin’ was the second best he’d ever seen at handling the hot corner (behind Brooks Robinson). 

Puddin’ Head Jones had his best year in 1950, pushing Philadelphia all the way to an NL pennant, the only one for the franchise from 1916-1979. 

Who was roaming the outfield for the last Phillies’ pennant-winner before the 1950 club?  None other than our good friend Bud Weiser (’15). 

The baseball circle of life, one funny name at a time.



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